Putin: We Must Insist on a Wall

Overheard in the Kremlin

Trump:  Vlad?  Vlad?  Are you there?

Putin:  Yes, Donald.

Trump:  I still think it’s so cool you let me call you ‘Vlad.’

Putin:  I know, Donald [wincing].  You tell me that every time we talk.  So how are things?

Trump:  Not good, Vlad.  Remember how you told me that the Democrats would cave in over the wall?

Putin:  Of course, Donald.  I remember everything.

Trump:  Well, they haven’t.  I even threatened to declare a national emergency last week last week and everyone laughed at me.

Putin:  Yes, Donald.  That was ill-advised.  I wish you had asked me about that first.

Trump:  I know, Vlad, but I didn’t want to bother you again.  As long as we’re talking now, don’t you think we can back down from the wall.  It would sure help me out if we could get the government working again.

Putin:  No, Donald.  I am afraid we must insist on a wall, like we discussed.

Trump: But, Vlad …

Putin:  Donald, listen to me.  You must have faith.  Remember back in 2016 when you were sure you were going to lose by a lot?  What happened then?

Trump:  You’re right.  But just so we’re clear, when this is all done I get to build my hotel in Moscow, right?

Putin:  Of course, Donald.

Trump:  Right next to that funny looking church?

Putin: [Laughter in background]  Just like I said, Donald.

Trump:  Thanks, Vlad.  I guess I just needed a little chat with an old friend.  Good bye.

Putin:  Bye, Donald. [puts down receiver]

Aide:  Well  Vladimir Vladimirovich, how does he sound?

Putin:  He’s wavering.  Get me Koch on the phone.