Trump Wants His Miles

As if the White House staff did not already have enough sensitive topics to tiptoe around, President Trump's first international trip has created another.  An anonymous source related, "Believe it or not, he thinks he should be earning frequent flyer miles.  Right after we took off from Andrews he calls over one of the Air Force stewards and tries to hand him a slip of paper.  The young man looked perplexed, so I thought I'd help out. 'Oh good,  do you know who I give my frequent flyer number to?'  I guess I looked just as puzzled, so he started to get mad. 'Doesn't anyone know what's going on here?  I didn't bother with all the domestic flights, but I'll bet I'm racking up some sweet mileage now.'  So I told him that I would get his number to the right person and walked away.  Then I came back and told him that he didn't need to worry about the next legs of the trip."  Asked if he is worried about the President becoming aware of the ruse, the aide replied, "As long as he doesn't start bragging on Twitter about how he's never going to have to pay for a flight for as long as he lives after he leaves office, I think I'll be okay."  But what about the President's next trip?  "I'm just going to roll the dice that there isn't going to be a 'next trip' or that if there is, I'll be long gone."  

A Gift from Vlad

The one bright spot in what has been a tumultuous week for President Trump was a gift from Russian President Vladimir Putin delivered by Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov in their now infamous private meeting.  "See this tie bar -- personally selected by Vlad.  Yeah, Vlad, I guess that's what his friends call him."  With that Mr. Trump looked down at his torso with clear pride and smiled wistfully.  "It's actually kind of plain, but it's the thought that counts.  Just look at this card he sent along.  'Dear Don, I hope that you like the tie bar and that you never take it off.  Vlad.  P.S.  Because if you do, I'll know right away!'  See, he drew a little smiley face here.  What class." "But Mr. President, aren't you worried that ..." "That I can't wear the same tie bar every day?  Funny, that's what [National Security Adviser Lt. Gen. H. R.] McMaster said too.  Who would have thought he cared about fashion?  But like I told him, this goes great with the dark suits and red ties I like.  I've worn it every moment since, at least when I'm not golfing.  Isn't that right?"   An aide sitting nearby confirmed this with a weary nod.  "I'm not even sure what it's made of.  When you run your finger on it feels like an alloy but it's a little heavy for a tie bar so I think it might be a real metal."