Palm Springs, Florida
December 16, 2023
Trump: Enjoying yourself?
MTG: Like always!!! Thanks again for finding us a room for the weekend.
Trump: I’m always happy to show my appreciation for your loyalty.
MTG: You can count on that, Mr. Trump, or should I say, President Trump.
Trump: I was just wondering if you might be more comfortable in the library, Marjorie … or should I say, Professor?
MTG: [Putting hand to mouth] Oh my God, did I eat too much shrimp? The sign says “All You Can Eat”!
Trump: [Chuckling] Don’t worry about that. When you pay $79.95 for a brunch buffet I’m not going to count the shrimp. The thing is, I was talking to Sean last night …
MTG: [Yells] Hannity is the man! Woo!
Trump: [Smiling] That he is. But as I was saying, Sean tells me that you read a book.
MTG: What? No!! I think you heard him wrong.
Trump: Now, Marjorie, don’t get sore, I won’t tell anyone that you’re one of those poindexters who reads books.
MTG: Seriously. I think what he told you was that I wrote a book, not read a book. I wrote a book.
Trump: Forget the shrimp, now I’m starting to wonder how many mimosas you’ve put away. You wrote a book?
MTG: Yup.
Trump: But to write a book, didn’t you have to read a whole lot of books?
MTG: [Snorts] Um, how many books did you read before you ‘wrote’ The Art of the Deal?
Trump: Oh yeah, good point.
MTG: By the way, I’ve got a whole box of them in the the trunk of my car. Maybe I could sign a copy for the library here?
Trump: That would be great. Maybe my son, um …. wait …. don’t tell me …. um ….
MTG: Barron.
Trump: Why can’t I remember that? Well, maybe Barron could write a book report on it for school. At least, I think he’s still in school.
MTG: And sir, these run for $29.95, so I was wondering if when you calculate our bill you could …
Trump: No can do, Marjorie. You know I’d like to, but I bet if I gave you a break on your bill then Sleepy Joe would have some new prosecutor breathing down my neck.
MTG: Really? I thought we made up all that stuff about …
Trump: [Sternly] I said, no can do.
MTG: [Dejectedly] Okay, I’ll go get the book. [Walks away]
Trump: [To passing attendant] Hey, pal. Show my guest to the library when she gets back, she’s going to leave us a gift.
Porter: I’m sorry, sir, did you say the library?
Trump: Yeah, where we keep all the books and stuff. Don’t tell me we don’t have a library?
Porter: Sir, I thought you would remember when we were trying to find a place to store all your ….
Trump: [Panicked] Shut up about the … [whispering] boxes. [Looks around nervously]
[MTG returns with book]
Trump: You know, Marjorie, I think I am just going to give the book to 'Barron' -- if that's his real name -- as a Christmas gift.
MTG: That would be an honor, sir.
Trump: So I guess that means I should pay you for it, but [pretends to pat jacket pockets] I don’t seem to have my wallet on me so I’ll have to get you later.
MTG: Sir, you didn’t try your pants pockets.
Trump: [Sternly] I said, I’ll have to get you later. Now enjoy the shrimp.
