Moscow-Palm Beach
April 2, 2022
Putin: Donald?
Trump: Vlad? Long
time no hear. How are you?
Putin: What is it, Donald?
Trump: Still all business. Well Vlad – and by the way, I still think it’s
so cool that I get to call you Vlad – I’ve got the answer to all your problems.
Putin: [Silence]
Trump: Vlad, you there?
Putin: [Impatiently] I’m waiting to hear what you think
is the answer to all my problems. What
is it?
Trump: Truth Social.
Putin: What?
Trump: Truth Social.
I heard how you got knocked off Twitter, just like me. I’m sure it’s just killing you. Well, you might have heard that I came up with
a replacement that’s way better. We’ve
already twice as many users.
Putin: Donald, do you know what my biggest problem is right
now? I found out that the head of my
intelligence service is more incompetent than your idiot son.
Trump: Which one?
Putin: Junior.
Trump: Ouch.
Putin: That’s right.
And you think I’m worried about Twitter?
Trump: Well, I just thought that …
Putin: And if I was, do you think I would use your new
platform? One of my aides tried to sign
up and he’s still waiting for confirmation 2 months
later.
Trump: Yeah, I heard there were some problems, but I’ve
got Junior, I mean Eric, working on it.
Putin: Donald, I wasn’t “knocked off Twitter,” I blocked
Twitter.
Trump: Really, don’t you think some fiery tweets would
help you out with your war in …, um …
Putin: [Interrupting] “Special Operation,” Donald, not a
war. And do you even know where it is?
Trump: Sure, it’s in … um … wait, don’t tell me.
Putin: I’ll give you a hint -- you were impeached for
trying to bribe their President.
Trump: Oh yeah, the little Jewish guy. Nah, it couldn’t be Israel. Siberia?
Putin: Goodbye, Donald. [Dial tone]
Trump: Vlad, are you there? He hung up.
I didn’t even get to tell him that Melania sends her best.
Junior: What did Uncle Vlad say, Dad? Am I going to be heading up our Truth Social
office in Russia?
Trump: Yeah, about that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea
with the whole war thing right now.
Junior: What war?
Trump: The war in … um , I don’t know, why don’t you ask
your brother?
Junior: I’m not sure where Eric is.
Trump: How about the other one, um … aw geez.
Junior: You mean Barron?
Trump: Why can't I remember his name. Yeah, him, he’s always got his nose in his
phone. Maybe he saw something about a war.
