Helsinki, Finland
July 16, 2018
VP: Donald, about
the wall you are planning to build.
DT: [Laughs
nervously]
VP: Yes, Donald. I have a company that you should consider
hiring.
DT: [More nervous
laughter] Actually, Vlad ….
VP: Donald, I
understand. You need to know what kind
of work they will do. Don’t worry, it’s
the same company that just built the bridge to Crimea.
DT: Well, in that
case, I don’t think we can use them. We
probably can’t work with them because I’m guessing this company would be under
sanctions. That Congress! [More nervous laughter]
VP: Have no
worries, Donald, their paperwork will be clean.
Now, who should we talk to in the Mexican government about setting up a
contract.
DT: The Mexican
government?
VP: Yes, the
Mexican government. Mexico will be
paying for the wall, right?
DT: [More nervous
laughter] You see, Vlad, Mexico never
agreed to this. I kind of made that up
to make it sound better.
VP: [Thinks for a
moment] This is good. You can pay more.
DT: Huh?
VP: Mexico is a
poor country. You are a rich country. I’ll tell Arkady to come up with some new …
DT: [Pulling at
collar] Vlad …
VP: … we had been
thinking $25 billion, but now …
DT: Vlad!
VP: What Donald?
DT: Here’s the
thing, Vlad. There won’t be a wall.
VP: I do not
understand, Donald.
DT: I never had
any intention of building the wall. This
was just something that came to me once at a rally. The crowd went crazy, so I just kept
repeating it. I didn’t think anyone took
it seriously.
VP: [Stares with head
on hands]
DT: So you see, I
won’t be able to hire your company to …
VP: But there will
be a wall.
DT: Vlad? Didn’t you just hear me? This was just a cockamamie idea.
VP: Donald, I have
already promised Arkady. I am a man of
my word. When we entered into our … ‘agreement’
… I thought you were also a man of your word.
If you want to back out now then I will have to …
DT: No! Okay, I’ll
think of something.
VP: Very good,
Donald. There will be a wall. Let me know when Arkady should start
submitting plans.
DT: [More nervous
laughter]
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