Marjorie Taylor Greene Gets A History Lesson

Palm Springs, Florida
February 10, 2022

Trump: Now Marjorie, you’re going to just have to let this pass.
MTG: But I’m just so mad at the lame lib media people who think they’re so smart.
Trump: Preaching to the choir.  Take away their fancy education and “fact-checkers” and “ethics” and who are they?
MTG: Yeah, stupid libs!  They’re always trying to make me look dumb.
Trump: [Chuckling] Well, Marjorie, that was a real humdinger.  I mean mixing up Gestapo and gazpacho. That’s worse than when I said that Frederick Douglas was alive, or when I said that George Washington had an air force, or when … 
MTG: [Interrupting] Or when you said people could inject bleach.
Trump: [Angry] Okay!  Stupid libs.  The point is, we all make mistakes.  Then we just deny we ever said it and move on.
MTG: But I’m not wrong.  I know the German secret police were the Gestapo, but what about the Italians?  
Trump:  The Italians?
MTG: That’s right, everybody forgets about the Italians.  They were friends with the Germans but they had their own police called the Gazpacho.
Trump: Did you read this somewhere?
MTG: [Chuckling]  As if.  This guy who used to come to our gym told me, and he was like super smart.  
Trump:  I hate to tell you this, dear, but this “smart guy” gave you some fake news.  The Italian secret police were called the mafia, or the "Costa Rica."  But don’t let Rudy hear you talking about them or it will set him off.
MTG: [Dejected] Could be.  And the guy had a great truck, too.  Stupid libs.
Barron:  [Enters] Dad, mom told me to tell you and the crazy lady that lunch is ready. [Exits]
Trump: [Embarrassed] Heh … crazy lady … um … cute kid, right?
MTG: You mean Barron?
Trump:  Barron?  Why can’t I ever remember his name?  Stupid libs!

Trump Royale

Palm Beach, FL
February 3, 2022

Trump: Melania, break out the good towels because royalty will be visiting soon!
Melania: Here, at Mar-a-Lago!  Oh boy, oh boy!  I can’t wait.  I can finally arrange a nice dinner without all those snooty Washington reporters around.
Trump: Actually, not here, but Trump Plaza in New York.
Melania: Who is it?  
Trump: Liz’s son.
Melania: Who’s Liz?
Trump: Queen Elizabeth of England.  Remember?  She said I could call her Liz.
Melania: I don’t remember that.
Trump: [Angrily] She said I could call her Liz.  Anyway, her son is coming and will be staying at Trump Plaza.
Melania: Prince Charles?
Trump: No, not Charles, another one.  Here’s his note: “Dear Donald, During your visit to Buckingham Palace you mentioned that I must stay at Trump Plaza if I am ever in the States.  As you may have heard, I am in a bit of a spot.  I was hoping that I could impose on your hospitality while I am in New York for that unpleasant business.  I would be forever in your debt.  Andrew Windsor.”
Melania: That doesn't sound like something you would say.  And I don't like the sound of that "unpleasant business." 
Trump: We’re not all models you know.  For a lot of us business doesn’t mean lying around a pool all day.  He probably has to sign a treaty or something with some shithole country at the UN.
Melania: Maybe you’re right.  So he will be staying in New York.
Trump: He’ll be in the presidential suite.
Melania: That’s like a whole floor!  Can he afford it?
Trump: Don’t bother your pretty little brain of yours with finances.  His mother’s the richest broad in the world.  If he can’t pay, she can.  And didn’t you hear that part about “I would be forever in your debt?”  Maybe she can just deed me all that land in Scotland so I don’t have to fight with some town council every time we need to change a faucet at our club.  Come on, why can’t you get excited about this?  I haven’t told you the best part.
Melania: Okay – what’s the best part?
Trump: While he’s there, I was thinking that President and Mrs. Trump travel up to New York to throw a little gala in Prince Andrew’s honor in New York?  I can already see the pictures in the Times.  This is just the kind of publicity the Trump brand needs right now.   
Melania: [Perking up] I can finally wear that tiara that your friend the Saudi prince gave to me.
Trump: And Duke can wear that little suit you had made up for him with all the gold buttons?
Melania: [Angrily] Who?
Trump: [Pauses] Duke, no wait, Earl…I mean …um…um…um…
Melania: Barron!  Our son’s name is Barron why can’t you remember that?
Trump: Okay, Barron.  Don’t get sore.  Just think: while Biden’s got his stomach all knotted up worrying about Ukraine and that Korean nut job, the press will have all these pictures of me smiling with Prince Andrew.  Who’s going to look like the world leader then?  I can hardly wait.
Ivanka: [Walking in] Can hardly wait for what?
Trump: Oh, hi kitten.  Guess what, we are going to be throwing a royal ball in New York.
Ivanka: Oh goody.  Is Queen Elizabeth coming?
Trump: Almost as good.  Her son?
Ivanka: Prince Charles?
Trump: No.
Ivanka: William?
Trump: No.  Which one was it again? [Reads note again]  Andrew.
Ivanka: Andrew?!  I don't think he's even a real prince any more.
Trump: No, kitten, you’re probably thinking about Diana’s kid, the one with the “exotic” wife.
Ivanka: [Pauses to think] Yeah, you might be right.
[All three walk out, trailed by two secret service agents]
Agent 1: [Whispering] Did the queen really say he could call her Liz? 
Agent 2: What do you think?