New York, New York
May 4, 2021
May 4, 2021
The U.S. Marshals Service announced that they arrested former President Donald Trump today, ending a weeks-long standoff. Trump has been bunkered in the Trump Tower ever since a federal grand jury returned charges against him for tax fraud, accepting foreign inducements, and inducing sedition, but was lured out by a ruse notification that he was being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The FBI is still investigating the former president’s involvement in the theft of various White House memorabilia following his electoral defeat.
“We knew he wasn’t going anywhere, so we thought we could wait him out. But then we decided that this had gone on long enough.”
“Who came up with this idea?”
“Someone at HQ. From the press we knew that Mr. Trump was obsessed with the idea of winning the Nobel Peace Prize but at the same time had no recognition of what that entailed.”
“Still, how did you pull it off?”
“Well, we got word to him that some foreigners were waiting in the lobby to hand him his prize. He just couldn’t say no.”
“Wait. Awarding the Nobel Peace Prize in a lobby? What about …”
“Like I said, no recognition of what it entailed.”
“And how did you get word to him? From what I understand, he has cut off almost all communication with the outside world.”
“We had help from a cooperating witness?”
“Inside the Trump inner circle? Who?”
“I am not at liberty to reveal our source’s name, but from what I understand this individual no longer has to worry about investigation into whether or not she lied on her citizenship application about modeling work she did in the US while on a tourist visa.”
