Palm Beach – Black Sea
August 17, 2021
Trump: Vlad? Is that you?
Putin: [Annoyed] Yes, Donald.
This really isn’t a good time.
Trump: I know. That’s what
all your aides said. But listen, Vlad – and
once again, I want you to know how cool it is that you let me call you Vlad – the
thing is, this is really important.
Putin: Okay, Donald, what is it?
Trump: Well, I’ve been watching all the Fox News coverage about
the Taliban taking over and they keep saying it’s some kind of disaster.
Putin: So?
Trump: Well, when we found out that you guys were funneling
money to the Taliban, you told me I shouldn’t worry about it.
Putin: We appreciated your understanding.
Trump: And then you talked me into convincing Pakistan to
release all those Taliban leaders.
Putin: You did very well, Donald.
Trump: [Nervously] The thing is … I mean … aren't the Taliban the
bad guys?
Putin: Good. Bad. Only someone very naïve thinks in those terms,
Donald, and we are not naïve, are we?
Trump: No … I guess … but the thing is, when I make my comeback,
isn’t everyone going to remember how much I helped the Taliban?
Putin: Donald, do people remember that you had sex with a porn
star?
Trump: Only Melania [weak laugh] – who sends her best, as
always.
Putin: I know. Tell me,
Donald, do people remember that charming imitation you did of that nasty, disabled
reporter?
Trump: He is nasty, that guy.
Putin: So why are you worried about this? It’s all part of the plan.
Trump: You might be right.
But can you explain why the Taliban coming to power helps us, or this
plan?
Putin: Donald, you would have to be stupid not to understand. Are you stupid, Donald?
[Silence]
Putin: While you’re thinking about that Donald I need to pick
out drapes for the palace. Good-bye.
[Dial tone]
Trump: No! No, I’m not stupid! Vlad, are you still there? I thought you were kidding! [Turns to Don Jr.] Now he’s never going to
take my calls.
