Trump to Putin: Why Do We Have to Build the Wall?

February 16, 2019

Trump:  Vlad?  Vlad?  Are you there?

Putin:    Yes, Donald.

Trump:  I still think it’s so cool you let me call you ‘Vlad.’

Putin:    I know, Donald [wincing].  You tell me that every time we talk.  Why are you calling? 

Trump:  Well, Vlad, I declared a national emergency, just like you said. 

Putin:    A very strong move, Donald.

Trump:  Well, now everyone is suing me. 

Putin:    Yes, you Americans and your lawyers.  I will never understand that.  But I still do not understand why you are calling.

Trump:  I was just wondering, Vlad, don’t you think we can back down now?  Maybe just build a few miles of the wall, then say we’re finished?  I gotta admit, yesterday I had a lot of trouble trying to explain just why this is a national emergency.

Putin:    Yes, Donald, I saw.  You should have used the talking points that our embassy prepared for you. 

Trump: So what do you say, Vlad, can we…

Putin:    No, Donald.  I am afraid we must insist on a wall, like we discussed.   Or maybe I should call your friend Mr. Mueller and tell him …

Trump:  Okay!  Okay!  And listen, I hate to keep asking you this, but when this is all done I get to build my hotel in Moscow, right?

Putin:    Of course, Donald.

Trump:  And one more thing.

Putin:    Yes, Donald.

Trump:  Do you think you could explain later why we had to build this wall?

Putin:    [Laughing]  When the time is right, Donald. 

Trump:  Okay, Vlad.  Good bye.  Melania sends her best. 
Putin:    I know, Donald.