Putin: I Never Said to Build a Wall!

The Kremlin

February 15, 2019

Aide:      So, Vladimir Vladimirovich, I see that President Trump finally declared a national emergency today.  Congratulations.

Putin:     What for?  I never told him to build a wall.

Aide:      But this is bound to cause turmoil in the US for months.  So I figured this was something that you, um. ‘suggested’ he do.

Putin:     All I wanted was for him to remove the sanctions – and fat chance we’ll get that now.  But come to think of it, I might have given him the idea.

Aide:      How so?

Putin:    One time we were chatting about Crimea.  I was telling him about the history and trying to explain how it was really Russian; he kept asking if there are any golf courses.  But I suddenly got his attention when I mentioned how we had to spend billions of dollars to build a bridge to get there.

Aide:      I still don’t understand.

Putin:     He didn’t believe that a bridge could cost that much.  So I said, “Donald, imagine that you built a wall across your Southern border with Mexico.”

Aide:     And?

Putin:    Well, I guess he did.

Aide:     So do you think they will build this wall?

Putin:   Absolutely not.  President Pence will put a stop to it.

Aide:     President Pence?  Don’t you mean …

Putin:   [Smiling]  Ri-i-ight, Vice-President Pence.