Kim: How Can I Trust Trump?

From The Pyongyang Times (2/27/2019)

Reporter:  General Kim, Shining Sun to your People, would you please tell the North Korean people a few words on how you brilliantly handled negotiations with the capitalist running dog today.

Kim:  You mean, Trump, okay I guess.  But I feel a little uneasy.

Reporter:  Are you saying that the Americans are not yet ready to admit their humiliating defeat at the hand of your Grandfather, the Eternal President?

Kim:  Yeah, well that was never going to happen.  No, I have been following the testimony of Michael Cohen.  Did you know Trump has been lying all this time about the WikiLeaks emails?  I was like “wow, how can I trust this guy?”  I was ready to sign away our nuclear weapons, but how do I know he’s not lying about all the food aid.  I don’t know what to do.  It’s at times like this that I wish I hadn’t killed all my older and wiser relatives – don’t print that!

Reporter:  Of course, Supreme Leader.  I will write that you are receiving advice directly from your Father, the Beloved and Respected General Kim Jong-Il. 

Kim:  I like that.

Reporter:  Chairman Kim, what brilliant strategy will you pursue now?

Kim:  Well if I told you then ... oh never mind. Put it this we, the capitalist dog had better keep his eyes open.