More Mary Trump Revelations

Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man, the explosive memoir by Donald Trump’s niece Mary, has captured the world’s attention.  Most of the media interest has focused on the Trump family’s secretive finances and the president’s political development.  But in a recent interview, the author mentioned some other revelations about Donald Trump that we may have missed.

Has really smelly feet: Smelly doesn’t begin to describe it.  When he took his shoes off indoors the dogs would start howling.  I’m not sure if he actually had bone spurs, but something tells me that podiatrist would have been willing to write anything just to get him to put his shoes back on. 

Can’t pronounce croquet: I remember when we were all at our grandparents when Uncle Donald says, ‘hey kids, wanna play some croquette?’  I had to punch my brother to keep him from laughing.  I thought he might be joking, so the next time we were over there I said, ‘hey Uncle Don, how about some croquette?’ to see if he would laugh.  But he just went and got the mallets.  When we were done he said, “gee, you kids sure love croquette.”  My brother and I laughed for a whole hour.  Of course, he cheated.

Did we mention his smelly feet: One time we were at the pool … you know, outside … in the sun, when Uncle Donald comes out with a date.  You should have heard her scream when he took his shoes off.  ‘Oh my God, Donald.  What’s that stink?’  We never saw her again.

Doesn’t know how to score bowling: Bowling was really big in Queens back then.  For some reason, Uncle Donald never bowled but always insisted on keeping score, even though he didn’t have a clue about how to score a strike or a spare.  I remember once when Aunt Elizabeth was ready to rip his hair after she bowled the game of her life and he tallied her score at 73.”

A really cheap tipper: “Okay, no surprise there, right?”