Fairfax, Virgina
In the empty offices of the National Rifle Association (NRA)
in Fairfax, VA, a high-ranking official sat down to discuss a peculiar implication
of the COVID pandemic.
NRA: There are no more
mass shootings!
Reporter: Isn’t that a
good thing?
NRA: Well, I guess some of the fruit juice drinkers are
happy about it, but it hasn’t been great for the NRA.
Reporter: How so?
NRA: Look around here. You might get the idea everyone is working
from home. Fact is, we had to cut back
on staff. Most of those we had to let go
were on our Incident Response Team. No
incidents, so no response.
Reporter: So you want a mass shooting?
NRA: It would be really nice if we could bring
some of those folks back. Besides, we what
would be better than some gruesome images of bullet-shattered corpses take our
minds off all the depressing news about the pandemic. We were hoping for there would be more
shooting in those Black fellas’ protests, but they just broke a few windows.
Reporter: I guess you need to just sit tight and
wait.
NRA: Well, obviously, we can’t just send anyone
out to mow down dozens of citizens, that would probably … okay, definitely involve
some criminal liability on our part. But
you may have noticed that there seem to be a lot of big crowds in many of the
same regions that coincidentally have a lot of serious 2nd Amendment
defenders. So, we’re keeping our fingers
crossed that the right person gets cut off in the parking lot, or thinks
someone bumped into his girlfriend, and before you know it – BAM – we’re back
in business.
Reporter: I suppose you are pushing for schools to
reopen, because nothing gets more attention than …
NRA: [Interrupts] Oh my, God. Why didn’t I think of that? Sorry, gotta make a few calls.
No comments:
Post a Comment