Trump: What Do You Mean There Won't Be A Convention?

Washington, DC 

July 25, 2020

Kushner: So no one has told him yet?

Pence: Hear that laughing?  What do you think?

Kushner: Okay, I guess there’s no putting this off, but …

Pence: Get in there!  This was your bright idea so you have to take your medicine.

[Kushner enters Oval Office]

Trump: Hi Jared!  How are those grandchildren of mine?  What are those names again?  Um, Barron?  Oh, right, Melania’s kid.

Kushner: Great catch, sir.  No wonder you aced that IQ test.

Trump: You see!  I don’t know why no one believes it.

Kushner: Well, sir, there’s something else we need to talk about.

Trump: What’s that? 

Kushner: The convention.

Trump: I’ve gotta hand it to you, kiddo, that was a great idea pretending to call off the convention.  I can’t wait to see the looks on those reporters faces when we announce that the convention is back on with no masks, no rules … 

Kushner: [Trying to interrupt] Sir … 

Trump: …like you said, when all my supporters hear this they’ll all rush to Jacksonville.  It’ll be electric.

Kushner: [Louder] SIR …

Trump: And Fauci!  That little weasel.  I’ll bet he has a heart attack on the spot.

Kushner: [Screaming] SIR!

Trump: Jared, you’re all red.  What’s wrong?  [Recoils in fright] Wait you don’t have that virus do you?

Kushner: [Catches breath] No, sir.  It’s just that there isn’t going to be a convention.

Trump: What?  Wait, what do you mean no convention?  You said that announcement was all a scam to throw off the press.  Were you lying, Jared?

Kushner: [Stammers] Um, um … oh, no sir.  Not me.  If you remember – and we all know what a great memory you have – we said that it all depended on the infection numbers in Florida, and, well, I’m afraid that they do not look good.  Our experts – NOT Dr. Fauci – advised that it would be too dangerous to hold the convention.

Trump: [Crestfallen] Ah, geez.  This is a real letdown.  

Kushner: Sir, maybe it would make you feel better if you dispatched DHS agents to another city to beat up some protestors?

Trump: Nah.  Well, ask me later.  Oh, one more thing, Jared.

Kushner: Yes, sir.

Trump: Remember how you told me that all those polls that show me losing to Sleepy Joe by a mile were all fake?  That was true, right?

Kushner: Um...um...um sorry, sir, I just remembered that Vice President Pence needs me.  [Sprints from room]