Friday, August 9, 2019

Trump Claims Immunity from Background Checks

White House
August 9, 2019

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

The White House would like to clarify President Trump’s remarks from earlier today that requiring background checks for purchases of assault rifles might be appropriate given these weapons’ destructive potential.  This requirement was not meant to apply to candidates for our nation’s highest office, which brings with it not only command of the United States’ armed forces but the ability to launch a nuclear strike.  The White House calls your attention to the key difference that while an individual citizen will only be guided by his own faculties in the deployment of an assault rifle, the President of the United States has access to advisers whose expertise has been verified by the national security community or Fox News before he presses “the button.”  Therefore, the White House calls on the press corps to cease its fruitless efforts to question the President’s fitness for office and leave all “background checks” to the opioid-addled citizenry, as called for in the Constitution.

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