Trump Accidently Accuses Himself of Epstein Murder

The White House
August 15, 2019

Aide:  What's so funny, sir?

Trump:  Look at this article I just tweeted.  Heh-heh-heh.

Aide: [Reads linked article quickly – looks up with alarm]  Sir?  Did you show this to Mr. Kushner first?

Trump:  Jared?  No.  I’m not sure where he is.  Why what’s the problem?  See: “Who Killed Jeff?”  This ought to keep Bill and Hillary up at night.

Aide:  Did you read the article?

Trump:  Yeah, sure.  Well, not the whole thing – but I read where it says how Bill Clinton and Epstein were great pals.

Aide:  That it does, sir.  But if you read at the end: “But the most likely suspect has to be the person who, as the nation’s chief executive, controls the Federal prison where Epstein met his mysterious demise.”

Trump: And?

Aide:  Sir, that’s you.  We’ve been over this – chief executive is another way of saying President.  They’re talking about you!  They’re accusing you of killing Jeff Epstein.

Trump: Geez, I guess that’s why I’m getting all those “likes.”