Trump Tries Out the 'Flynn-Defense'

May 24, 2020

Hannity:  Mr. President, all of us at Fox are grateful that you have taken the time to speak with us for the 486^th time.

Trump:  Thanks, Sean, always great to be here, especially since you canned that Shep Smith loser.

Hannity:  Who?

[Both laugh]

Hannity:  Now then, Mr. President, you have been talking a lot about the Michael Flynn case, and some are calling this brewing scandal ‘Obamagate.’

Trump:  That’s right, Sean.  The greatest crime in human history.  Some people are saying this might be worse than Eve eating the apple.  We'll have to see.

Hannity:  Um, well, be that as it may, I wonder if you could help us out with something.  Back in 2017, you said that you had to fire General Flynn because he lied, but now you are blaming the FBI.  A lot of people want to know, did General Flynn lie when interviewed by the FBI in 2017?

Trump:  Yes, he did, Sean, but the point is, those FBI agents wanted him to lie.  They easily could have warned him, and said something like, ‘hey, bro, you know that if you lie to us it’s a Federal crime punishable by fines and incarceration.’  But they didn’t do that.  They just let him lie.  So it’s really their fault.

Hannity:  [Silence]  Okay, I see where you are going.

Trump:  It’s really kind of like me and this COVID thing.

Hannity:  [Silence] Um … maybe you could explain that, sir.’

Trump:  It’s really obvious, Sean.  Everyone is blaming me for lying back in January about how serious the COVID threat was, even though I had been briefed by intelligence and public health officials.

Hannity:  [Silence] So … so … so … can you help me out here, Mr. President?

Trump:  Well, when those reporters were yelling out their questions, no one said that if I lied they would throw it back in my face.  But you see, they wanted me to lie.  So, if you think about it, this whole mess is really the media’s fault.  But let me just say, I feel really too bad that a few people have died -- even though it's ... like I said ... not my fault.

Hannity:  [Hesitantly] I guess that is one way of looking at it, sir. [Makes throat-cutting gesture]

Trump:  It’s the same thing when I said that anyone who wanted a test could get one, or when I said there were plenty of masks, or … [screen goes blank]

Hannity:  Oops.  We seem to have lost the feed.  We’ll be right back after the commercial as a panel of pseudo-experts will use the words Joe Biden and sexual predator in every sentence.