Ambassador Eric Trump

Washington, DC – Oval Office

February 6, 2020

ET:  [Holding up business card] Gee, Dad, you mean I’m an ambassador, just like that?

DT:  Just like that, son. [Snaps his fingers]

ET:  Don’t I have to fill out an application or anything?

DT:  Not while I’m in charge you don’t.

ET:  Wow.  I never thought I’d get to be an ambassador.  This is really neat.  So which country will I be going to, Dad?  Someplace in the Caribbean?

DT:  You’ll be what they call an Ambassador-at-Large.

ET:  At-Large?  Where’s that, Dad?

DT:  [Chuckles] That’s what I said too!  No, that means you won’t be assigned to one country.  You’ll just go  wherever you’re needed. 

ET:  So, I’m working for Mr. Pompeo?

DT:  No, you will be answering to me.  And Uncle Rudy.

ET:  Whatever.  Where do I go first?

DT:  I’ll give you a hint.  Remember at dinner the other day when you were telling me how great it would be if  the Trumps had a hotel in …

ET:  Rio!  I’m going to Rio?  I can’t wait!

DT:  When you get there.  I want you to see our ambassador and ask him who you need to talk to about getting a hotel built.  If he gives you any guff, then you call Uncle Rudy.  Got it?

ET:  No problemo.  But are sure I can do that, as an ambassador and all?  I remember how everyone complained when you got Ivanka all those patents in China.

DT:  [Laughs]  Let 'em complain.  What are they gonna do?  I’ll just sign some order saying that building a Trump Hotel in Rio is in the "national interest."

ET:  Okay.  Um ... dad?

DT:  Yes, son.

ET:  What country is Rio in?

DT:  Beats me.  [Yelling into speaker phone]  Get Pompeo on the line.  Ambassador Trump wants to know what country Rio is in.
ET:  Well at least those Spanish lessons will finally pay off!