Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Trumps Catch Up

Eric:  Dad?  I know we're not supposed to have much contact -- conflicts of interest, and all -- but I wanted to know the great news.  We're going to have a baby!
Donald:  That is great news.  Congratulations, son.
Eric:  I understand if you don't have much time to talk, but as long as I have you on the line, how did that hearing go?  You know, the one on Russia.
Donald:  Are you kidding?  It went great, but, um ...  I was just thinking.  What's more important than family?  Right?  Maybe I should just quit this job while I'm ahead so I can help take care of that new grandchild. 
Eric:  What?  You can't be serious.  First, of all, if you're worried about family, maybe you could start be spending some time with Barron.
Donald:  Who?
Eric:  Your son -- Barron, remember?  Wife No. 3? 
Donald:  Of course.  Of course.  I thought you meant that real Baron who used to live in Palm Beach.  Hey, Barron's doing great, but how often do I get to spoil a grandchild?
Eric:  Oh yeah?  Okay, grandpa, what are Ivanka's childrens' names?
Donald:  Um, don't tell me it's ... it's ... something from the Bible ... wait ....
Eric:  How about Tiffany?  What's her baby's name?
Donald:  Beauregard?
Eric:  Tiffany doesn't have a baby!  Come on, Dad, tell me what's going on. 
Donald:  Okay, maybe this is a little tougher than I was expecting, but really hoping to get back to ... family.  Yeah, back to spending more time with the family.  And by the way, I see the new Forbes list came out ...
Eric:  Shhhh. Remember Dad, no business.  Anyway, great chat, gotta run. 

Donald, To a dead phone, despairingly: ... down $1 Billion.

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