A Meeting of the Anti-COVID Liberation Front

Somewhere in Middle America, a group of heroes convened in an empty tavern to save the Republic from Tyranny

Joe:  Fellow Patriots!  It’s heartwarming to see that so many of you answered the call to save our nation.  First of all, let’s take roll.

Dave:  Joe, is that really necessary?  There’s only 13 of us.  And maybe there shouldn’t be any record of who’s here, because technically we are breaking the 10-person limit on gatherings, so [notices angry stares] …. I guess I’ll stop talking now.

Joe:  Okay, we’ll dispense with the roll and get right into our plan of action.  Now, first ….

Ed:  Joe?  I see everyone else brought their AR-15s.  No one told me we were going in armed.

Joe:  Of course we’re going in armed.  We’re patriots!

[Brief whooping]

Ed:  But who are we fighting?

Joe:  Um, no one, really, but we need to show them that we’re not afraid of any lib dem radicals.

Dave:  Are there going to be lib dem radicals?  I forgot my tac-glasses.

Joe:  No, no, no.  The lib dem radicals are all home hiding under their blankets.  The guns are for effect, to show … to show … [getting flustered] it doesn’t matter, we’re going in armed and that’s that.  Ed, you can stand in back.  Now, as I was saying, on this great day, we are going to show the Zionist-occupied world order that they don’t control us; that we … we … we’ll continue if Dave wouldn’t mind paying attention.

Dave:  [Hastily putting away iPhone]  Sorry, Joe, just a work email I had to look at.

Woody:  Work email?  What do you do?

Dave:  I’m an accountant.  Don’t tell anyone, but this shutdown has been a godsend.  I never get this much done at the office, what with all the ... [notices angry stares] ... I guess I'll stop talking now. 

Joe:  [Sarcastically] Thank you, Dave.  Now, it’s plain as day that the deep state people are using this virus hoax to take away our rights.  If we don’t take a stand … [angrily] what now, Ed?

Ed:  If the virus is a hoax, how come we’re all wearing masks?

Joe:  We always wear masks, Ed.

Ed:  But how come our seats are pushed so far apart?

Joe:  I don’t know, Ed, maybe that’s just the way they were.  Can we get on with it?

Ed:  Okay.

Joe:  So the first thing we do when we get to the Statehouse is …

[All dive to floor after short burst of gunfire.]

Joe:  [Dusting self off] Okay, what the fuck was that?

Woody:  Sorry everyone.  I thought someone was breathing on me.

Joe:  I’m pretty sure we all know the plan.  We stand in formation on the Statehouse steps and hold up these beautiful signs that the Patriot Ladies Auxiliary sewed for us.  I thought we it would be a good idea if we travelled in as few vehicles as possible.  So, Dave and Larry, you ride with me.  Ed and Tom, you ride with Woody.  [Looks up to alarmed faces]  Or, maybe we all ride in our own cars.

Harry:  Hey, the President just tweeted “Liberate Minnesota”

[Wild cheering]

Ed:  Don't we live in Michigan?