Washington – Pyongyang
April 19, 2020
Kim: Donald?
Trump: Kim, my
old friend, how are you?
Kim: Not very
good, Donald. [Coughs] I have had this cough,
and I am sweating a lot more than usual.
Trump: Wow,
that sounds bad. Say, do you have the
Chinese virus? Oh, sorry, my son, um, …
Kim: Barron?
Trump: Yeah, that’s
it. Well, he says it’s racist to use
that name.
Kim: No
problem, Donald, here we call it the “Big brother who won’t keep his nose out
of our business” virus. I am not sure
because we do not have any tests yet. Of
course, I don’t need to tell you how big a problem that is.
[Both laugh – Kim coughs again]
Trump: Listen,
Kim, don’t worry. I have the cure.
Kim: Donald, I
have tried those pills you keep talking about, but they didn’t work.
Trump: Forget
the pills. They were my dopey son-in-law’s
idea. But this is the real deal. Are you listening?
Kim: Of course
I’m listening, Donald.
Trump: Bleach!
Kim: We must
have a bad connection, Donald. I thought
you said bleach.
Trump: That’s
right, bleach. The same stuff you use for whiter whites.
Kim: Well, how
much do I take?
Trump: I’m not
too sure. Maybe you should start out
with a capful and see how it goes.
Kim: And do I
take it straight?
Trump: You
might try mixing it with your favorite beverage so it will go down easier.
Kim: I don’t
know, Donald. This sounds very risky.
Trump: Trust
me, I have a feeling about this, just like I knew this virus thing would become
a pandemic.
Kim: Okay, Donald. I owe you one ... I think.
Trump: Don’t
mention it. Goodbye, Kim.
Kim: Goodbye,
Donald.
[Both hang up]
Kim: [To aide] Well, what do you think? Should I try bleach?
Aide: It sounds crazy, but what do you have to lose?
Seems like an apt conversation between two woefully inept people. Unfortunately, neither seems to have taken the others advice...
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