Trump: How is the Drone Pilot?

White House Situation Room

June 20, 2019

Trump:  These chairs are great!  I don’t know why we don’t come down here more often.

Aide:  I explained, sir.  We only use this room when there is some pressing national security issue.

Trump:  Like the border crisis?

[Laughter from both]

Trump:  So tell me, how is the pilot?

Aide:  Sir?

Trump:  The pilot who the Iranians shot down, how is he doing?  Find out if he’s married.  It would be great PR if we could get a tape of me calling her, telling her what a patriot her husband is.  

Aide:  I thought you understood, it was a drone that was shot down.

Trump:  Drone, Phantom, Tomahawk, Bullfrog.  You can’t expect me to keep up with all those funny names we have for our planes.

Aide:  Actually, sir, a drone is an unmanned device.  Technically, there is a pilot, but he – or she – is hundreds of miles away.  He – or she – is probably home in bed right now.

Trump:  But I saw the wreckage!  I think I know what you’re talking about.  We got the boy, um, Melania’s kid, um …

Aide:  Barron?

Trump:  Yeah, we got him one of those for Christmas.  It’s a dinky little thing.

Aide:  Well, sir.  Military drones are considerably more sophisticated, and larger.

Trump:  Geez, maybe I shouldn’t have ordered those air strikes.

Aide: Those what!!!

Trump:  Funny, Bibi, told me it sounded like a good idea.

Aide [Speaking to another Aide]:  Get me the Joint Chiefs on the phone, now!!!