Washington, DC
June 14, 2019
June 14, 2019
Reporter: Thank
you for taking the time to speak with us, Mrs. Sanders.
Sanders: My
pleasure. It has been my honor to defend
the work of President Donald Trump against the America-hating socialist jackals
who dominate the so-called “mainstream media,” but now I’m ready for new challenges.
Reporter: I’m
sorry, but do you really think they are socialists?
Sanders: I’m not
the first person to say it.
Reporter: But …
never mind, so what you be doing now?
Sanders: I have
to think of my family, and I have learned that there are a lot of opportunities
in the private sector for spokespersons ready to take a stand, even if it isn’t
popular with the politically correct crowds in Washington, DC, or with the smarty
pants professors who think their big degrees make them so smart, or with elitist
journalists and their “fact checkers.”
Reporter: It so
happens that President Trump still owns a large company that bears his name. Any chance that you we could see you
introduced as new spokesperson for the Trump Organization
Sanders: That
would be an honor, but I am proud to say that I have accepted a position with
Purdue Pharmaceuticals. I will be
helping them fight all those ridiculous accusations about how they helped cause
the opioid epidemic. Crazy, huh?
Reporter: Well,
to be fair, didn’t Purdue Pharmaceuticals’ reckless marketing of Oxycontin in
the 1990s contribute to the problem?
Sanders: Don’t tell
me you’ve fallen for that fake news? It’s
just like how after the election it was “Russia this” and “Russia that.”
Reporter: Hasn’t
your new employer already lost some major lawsuits?
Sanders: We look
forward to the appeals process. In the
meantime, the American people – not a few liberal judges – deserve to know how hard
the good people at Purdue Pharmaceuticals have worked to come up with this miracle
drug that can ease just about any pain with no side effects.
Reporter: What
about addiction?
Sanders: I’m not
a doctor, but I’ve already talked with a lot of people who tell me that with Oxycontin
they feel no pain. That sounds like a
win to me.
Reporter: It sounds
like you are already enjoying your new job.
Sanders: I’d be
lying if I said I didn’t.
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