Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Tillerson lands new position as "Star Witness"


Freshly deposed Secretary of State Rex Tillerson gave some hints at his farewell news conference that he may not recede from public view just yet.  Addressing the challenges ahead, Tillerson noted, "It's in times of transition like this when you reconnect with old friends, or maybe even make new friends.  For example, I hear this Bob Mueller is a really nice fellow.  Any of you have his number?  Seriously, anyone?"  When the businessman-turned-statesman was asked what was the most important thing he's learned during his time in Washington, he responded cryptically, "Always get your immunity deal in writing."  His biggest regret:  "I never figured out why they call it Foggy Bottom."  In closing, Tillerson thanked the diplomatic corps present, and asked again, "Seriously, does anyone know Mueller's number?" before being pulled from the podium.

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