A Gift from Vlad

The one bright spot in what has been a tumultuous week for President Trump was a gift from Russian President Vladimir Putin delivered by Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov in their now infamous private meeting.  "See this tie bar -- personally selected by Vlad.  Yeah, Vlad, I guess that's what his friends call him."  With that Mr. Trump looked down at his torso with clear pride and smiled wistfully.  "It's actually kind of plain, but it's the thought that counts.  Just look at this card he sent along.  'Dear Don, I hope that you like the tie bar and that you never take it off.  Vlad.  P.S.  Because if you do, I'll know right away!'  See, he drew a little smiley face here.  What class." "But Mr. President, aren't you worried that ..." "That I can't wear the same tie bar every day?  Funny, that's what [National Security Adviser Lt. Gen. H. R.] McMaster said too.  Who would have thought he cared about fashion?  But like I told him, this goes great with the dark suits and red ties I like.  I've worn it every moment since, at least when I'm not golfing.  Isn't that right?"   An aide sitting nearby confirmed this with a weary nod.  "I'm not even sure what it's made of.  When you run your finger on it feels like an alloy but it's a little heavy for a tie bar so I think it might be a real metal."