Trump Still Needs A Lawyer

Palm Beach, FL
June 17, 2023

“The dozens of attorneys who have defended Trump since 2016”
Washington Post, June 17, 2023

DT: Damn it!  Another one hung up on me!
ET: Dad, I don't think you're going to find another attorney this way.
DT: What do mean, Eric?  I’m Donald Trump, I’m sure there are plenty of lawyers out there who would dream of having me as a client.  Dial the next one.
ET: Dad, the last one had a greeting that started “Unless you’re former President Donald Trump, please hold for the next available operator.”
DT: What?!  I’ll sue them.  That’s gotta be a violation of my 3rd Amendment Rights!
ET: Really?!
DT: Yeah, a lot of people think there are just two, but Rudy told me about this one.
ET: And why can’t Uncle Rudy handle this one again?
DT: I told you [mimes drinking from a bottle].
ET: Oh yeah.  But listen, Dad, I’ve got an idea.
DT: I’m all ears.
ET: Let me represent you!
DT: What?  You’re not a lawyer.  Wait, are you?  Sorry, it’s hard for me to keep track of all of the cards I had my secretary send.
ET: Good call, Dad, I’m not, but I don’t have to be!
DT: Are you sure about this?
ET: Yeah, I saw it in a movie once.  I’m pretty sure it was even on CourtTV, so it must be real.
DT: I don’t know.  Between you and me, this actually kind of serious.  I should probably have a lawyer who knows their way around the court room.
ET: Like Sydney Powell?
DT: Okay, you got me on that one, but still, do you know how to handle yourself at a trial? 
ET: Just like you taught us, Dad, it’s all about attitude.  Picture this:  the judge says “You’re out of order,” then I stand up and say “No, you’re out of order!”  And if I’m ever really lost, I’ll just walk over by the jury and say, “Excuse me, but could you explain that to all of us non-lawyers!”  
DT: Heh-heh-heh.  I’d love to see that.  That stupid judge wouldn’t know what to say.
ET: See.  Come on, Dad.  Let me do it.  I’ve always wanted to make it up to you for when I blabbed about all the Russian money.
DT: I forgave you for that a long time ago, son, but …
ET: [Interrupts excitedly] So does that mean that …
DT: … but I’m afraid the damage can’t be undone. The will stays the same.
ET: [Dejected] Okay.