Somewhere in Middle America, a group of heroes convened behind a crowded tavern to continue their struggle to save America from Tyranny
Joe: Ed, where’s your mask?
Ed: I thought we weren’t supposed to wear masks because COVID was a hoax?
Joe: How many times do we have to go through this – we aren’t wearing masks to protect ourselves from that hoax virus. We need to hide our faces because we shouldn’t be seen together, ever since well … Now do you have a mask or not?
Dave: I have an extra [pulls a package of 20 surgical masks from pocket]
Ed: Thanks
Joe: Hey, what do you need all those masks for?
Dave: Well, the CDC recommends that you wear a mask if you are going to be in a crowd, even if you’ve been vaccin… [Notices stares] I should probably stop talking now.
Joe: Wait, you took the Fauci shot?
Dave: No, Johnson and Johnson. I wanted the one I could pronounce.
Joe: Why do you think we all went to Washington to keep President Trump in office? So we would line up like sheep for some shot of God knows what?
Ed: I thought we went because those God-less socialists were trying to steal the election.
Woody: I thought we went to keep our guns.
Joe: Yeah, all that stuff. But I still can’t believe you got one of those stupid shots. They probably put a tiny little microphone in your arm. I’ll bet Nancy Pelosi is listening to us right now.
Dave: I don’t think they have microphones that small, Joe, and if they did, I doubt Nancy Pelosi would be listening to us.
Joe: It was just a figure of speech, Ed, and ….
Ed: [Interrupting} What about Pfizer, Dave?
Dave: What?
Ed: [Nervously] What about the Pfizer vaccine? Do you think they have microphones in them?
Joe: Wait, you too, Ed? Has anyone else here got a vaccine? [Everyone tries to avoid eye contact]
Joe: Oh, geez, and here I thought we were all fighting for the same thing on January 6.
Dave: I told you then it was a bad idea, Joe.
Joe: Our president needed patriots like us. And we wouldn’t have to be hiding in the alley if someone didn’t post pictures of us online. [All look at Ed]
Ed: I’m sorry. I posted them to a private group. I didn’t think anyone else could see them.
Joe: [Mockingly] “I didn’t think anyone else could see them.” How come I keep see them popping up every other day? Just how many pictures did you take?
Ed: Twelve. I have twelve photos of us in the Capital from when we went to Washington as kids. I was trying to get photos in all the same spots.
Dave: Wow, that’s kind of neat. Did your dad take the photos back then?
Ed: No, some policeman took them. [Alarmed] Oh no, do you think that could be the guy Joe threw the flag pole at?
Joe: Shhhh … How many times do I have to tell you to stop talking about that? That’s why I wanted us to get together – to remind you that we can’t be blabbing those details. You never know when Big Brother is going to be listening. [Hears snickering] And what’s so funny, Dave?
Dave: Sorry, Joe, it’s just that you said big brother, because the other day I was telling my big brother about how Woody couldn’t get the cap off his bear spray. Remember? [Struggles to open imaginary can]
[All laugh]
Woody: Oh yeah, well how about when Phil tripped running up the stairs and fell into that Proud Boy’s butt.
[More laughter]
Joe: [Screaming angrily] Shut it. This is what I mean. Do you want everyone to know we stormed the Capital on January 6? Unless you want the FBI knocking on the door you’d better stop …
[Voice from the bar]: Would keep it down out there, Joe! We can’t hear the game.
Dave: Busted, Joe [All laugh]
Ed: Joe, where are you going?
Woody: Wow, I haven’t seen him run that fast since he realized Trump wasn’t on his way to the Capital.
No comments:
Post a Comment