Trump Needs His PIN Number

New York – Palm Beach
July 23, 2021
 
Trump: Allen, it’s me!
Weisselberg: Donald?  Why are you calling me?  My lawyers say I shouldn’t be talking to you.
Trump: Donald?  What happened to "Mr. Trump"?  Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  Well listen, what else are those lawyers of yours telling you, because … well … we never used to have any secrets, so …
Weisselberg: You know I can’t tell you that, Donald.  Why are you calling?
Trump: Okay, here’s the thing.  I was wondering if you know the PIN number for my ATM card.
Weisselberg: Your what?!
Trump: My PIN number.  It’s a 4-digit code that you need to …
Weisselberg: I know what a PIN number is, Donald.  I just can’t believe your calling me about that.
Trump: Hey, my pop always told me that you’re the “numbers man,” so I just figured that maybe you knew.
Weisselberg: I could tell you the salary of every employee at the Trump Organization, Donald.  I could tell you how much taxes the Trump Organization paid – and I just might share that information with a few new friends of mine – but I’m afraid I don’t know the PIN number for your ATM card.  Why do you even need that?
Trump: Heh, funny you should ask.  I guess not all my expenses get covered automatically.  If there wasn’t a restaurant at Mar-A-Lago I wouldn’t eat.
Weisselberg: What do you mean?
Trump: Crazy, right?  I have to pay for food.  So I just show up in the dining room every night, chat up the crowd until I find someone eating a steak that doesn’t look too raw, then I set down and start eating.
Weisselberg: You steal their food?
Trump: Hey, they get an autograph!   And if they treat me to cake afterwards I even let them take a picture.
Weisselberg: Sounds like you don’t need that ATM card.
Trump: It’s getting kind of old.  There are nights I have to hang around for hours before someone orders a steak that isn't bleeding.  A few weeks ago I even had to crash a wedding. 
Weisselberg: Like I told you, Donald, I don’t know your PIN number.  Maybe Junior knows it?
Trump: You think I’d trust him?  Besides, for some reason his phone never seems to be working when I call.
Weisselberg: How about Jared, couldn’t he lend you some cash?
Trump: Funny, it’s the same thing.  I don’t know why these kids can’t get phones that work.
Weisselberg: Yeah, funny.
Trump: Okay, Allen.  Listen, stay strong, if you know what I mean.
Weisselberg: Goodbye, Donald.
…
[Both hang up.  Weisselberg turns to man in dark suit sitting next to him wearing headphones]
Agent: So, do you know his PIN number?
Weisselberg: 1-2-3-4.  He insisted.
Agent: [Laughs]  Okay, that was entertaining. But if he calls again, try to get him to explain what “stay strong” means.
Weisselberg: Oh, he’ll call again.
Agent: How can you be so sure?
Weisselberg: Do you think he remembers Melania’s birthday?