White House (Washington, DC) – Kremlin (Moscow)
September 19, 2019
TRUMP: (Anxiously) Vlad, Vlad, is that you? Are you there?
PUTIN: (Icily) Yes, Donald, I am here. What do you want?
TRUMP: I’ve
been calling for days, and, they keep telling me that you can’t come to the phone?
PUTIN: I have
been busy, Donald. Now what do you want?
TRUMP: It’s
this whole Iran mess, Vlad, I don’t know what to do?
PUTIN: (Ironically)
Oh, so you’re asking me what to do?
TRUMP: Of
course, Vlad, who else can I trust?
PUTIN: Well,
from what I read in your tweets, you get your foreign policy advice now from
that Saudi prince with the flashy name. Why
don’t you ask him?
TRUMP: Oh, Mohammed. He and Jared are good friends, but I don’t
know if I can trust him. I mean, he told
me there was no proof that his agents offed that guy in their embassy, then it
turns out it was practically streamed live.
I know you’re the only person I can trust.
PUTIN: Do you
really trust me, Donald?
TRUMP: I sure
do, Vlad.
PUTIN: If you
really trust me you will do what I say, right away. Will you do that, Donald?
TRUMP: Okay.
PUTIN:
Bomb. Cruise missiles, drones,
artillery, planes. Hit Iran hard.
TRUMP: Really,
won’t that start a war, I mean, we’re finally pulling out of the Gulf.
PUTIN: Don’t
make me laugh, Donald, when Iran sees this strong response, they will back down
right away. I promise. (Snickering in background)
TRUMP: But won’t
that send oil prices through the roof?
PUTIN: I don’t
think so, Donald. Nobody wants to see
oil prices go up. (Puts finger to lips to suppress laughter in room)
TRUMP: Okay,
just let me get one of those generals on the line. Thanks, again, Vlad. And Vlad, have I ever told you …
PUTIN: Yes, I
know, Donald, you think it is “really cool” that I let you call me Vlad and
Melania sends her best. Now hurry up and
make that call.
No comments:
Post a Comment