Washington-Moscow
August 11, 2020
Trump: Vlad?
Are you there?
Putin: Yes, Donald.
Trump: Hi Vlad – and by the way, I just want to say
again how cool it is that you let me call you Vlad.
Putin: Yes, yes, I know. Now what do you need?
Trump: [Haltingly] Well, Vlad, I’m not sure quite how
to bring this up but …
Putin: What is it, Donald? What has happened to you? Where is that Donald Trump who always knew
what he wanted?
Trump: It’s just that, that announcement that you guys
are coming out with a COVID vaccine without testing it kind of threw me for a
loop. When I told you that I didn’t mind
if you spied on our labs, I thought you said not to worry because it would be months
before you could test a new vaccine. But
now …
Putin: I don’t remember saying that Donald. I have heard some people say that your memory
might be failing. Could it be …
Trump: No, don’t listen to those stories. I may have just heard you wrong.
Putin: But you are my friend and I want to be 100%
certain. Maybe someone else listened in
on the call? Or maybe there is a
recording?
Trump: Of course, not. Not after that whole Ukraine thing. I called you on a burner phone, just like you
recommended.
Putin: You will have to trust me, Donald. Do you trust me, Donald?
Trump: Don’t insult me, Vlad. Of course, I trust you.
Putin: Good, because what I said was that you need
to look out because those liberal doctors who are advising you are going to try
to tell you that you cannot release your vaccine until after months of testing.
Trump: Really?
Well, you were about that. Sorry,
Vlad, I wish I remembered it better.
Putin: Next you’ll be telling me that you forgot
about your promise to tell me your secret nuclear codes.
Trump: [Silence]
Putin: PSYCH!
[Both laugh]
Trump: Oh, Vlad! I’m crying hear from laughing so hard. Anyway, I have a tee time. Melania sends her best.
Putin: I know that, Donald. [Line goes dead. Putin turns to aide] It almost worked. Next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment