Trump: I Want My !@#$ Shot Now!

White House – Outside the Oval Office

April 14, 2020

Trump:  [Heard shouting from behind door] Where’s my shot?  I want my shot!

Aide:  Thank God, you’re here.

Pence:  He’s still at it?

Aide:  Yes, Mr. Pence, and his next briefing is in a half hour.  You just have to calm him down so that he won’t sound even more, um, um, "passionate" than usual.

Pence:  I’ll see what I can do. [Enters office]  Hello, Mr. President, I hear you are still inquiring about the availability of a COVID 19 vaccine.  Well, ..

Trump:  [Grabbing Pence by the collar]  I told you to spare no expense!  I want my !@#$ shot, and I want it now!  I’m planning on cashing in big time when I leave this place, so the last thing I need is to catch that Chinese virus.

Pence:  Mr. President, as we’ve explained, no one enters the White House without being tested for, um, the Chinese virus, so you really have nothing to worry about.

Trump:  Tests?  You think I trust tests?

Pence:  Well, sir, even if one of the tests failed, and in the unlikely event you were infected, there’s always hydroxychloroquine.

Trump:  What?

Pence:  You know, sir, the “game changer” that you have been mentioning almost daily?

Trump:  Are you kidding?  I wouldn’t give that snake oil to Marla’s kid.  I need a shot!  Where’s my shot?

Pence:  Well, sir, as I, Dr. Fauci, Dr. Birx, Mr. Azar, Mr. Hannity, President Putin, Crown Prince bin Salaam, Mrs. Trump, Mrs. Kushner, Barron, and many others have tried to explain to you, vaccine development takes time. 

Trump:  Time!  I haven’t got time which means you haven’t got time!  If there’s no vaccine in two weeks I swear I’ll rip that !@#$ Sunday school smirk off your face!

[Pence exists office]

Aide:  Well, how is he?

Pence:  I haven’t seen him this calm in weeks.