Showing posts with label Kim-Trump Summit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim-Trump Summit. Show all posts

Friday, March 1, 2019

What Went Wrong in Hanoi


Washington, DC
March 1, 2019

We asked a member of the American delegation to the recent summit meeting between President Donald Trump and North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un in Hanoi for his comments on why the two leaders failed to come to an agreement.  He asked that we not use his name – and that we emphasize that it definitely was not Secretary of State Mike Pompeo.

-  It was not so much one moment, as a series of missteps.  That gift got things off to a really bad start.
-  What gift?
-  The President wanted to make a very personal gesture, so he decided to give Kim a set of golf balls with US and North Korean flags embossed on them.
-  That sounds like a nice idea.
-  It would have been if they had used the right flag.
-  No, you don’t mean that …
-  That’s right.  South Korean flags.  You see, the President put Don Jr. in charge of this.  Of course, official registers do not use “North” and “South” Korea, so he just assumed that South Korea would have “Democratic” in its name, so he went with the other one.
-  I’m surprised the North Koreans didn’t leave right away.
-  Actually, the President handled that deftly, only now he has committed to building a golf course somewhere near the North Korean-Russian border.
-  How did things go after that?
-  Not great.  Then the President and Chairman Kim had their private meeting.  This is when the President was supposed to try to show Kim a path on how North Korea could emerge from its isolation.
-  And?
-  According to the President, he spent most of the meeting asking Kim about all the ways he has had his enemies executed.
-  [Stunned silence]
-  Yeah.
-  But then there was the final meeting.
-  That’s right.  The discussion was moving rather tentatively, when the President asked if Chairman Kim had heard about the Cohen hearings.  Chairman Kim said he had.  The President asked Chairman Kim how he would have Cohen executed if Cohen was his former lawyer who was now ratting him out.  Chairman Kim said angrily, “Again with the executions,” then got up and left.
-  But what about the North Korean nuclear weapons program?
-  That’s a very good question.  

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Kim: How Can I Trust Trump?

From The Pyongyang Times (2/27/2019)

Reporter:  General Kim, Shining Sun to your People, would you please tell the North Korean people a few words on how you brilliantly handled negotiations with the capitalist running dog today.

Kim:  You mean, Trump, okay I guess.  But I feel a little uneasy.

Reporter:  Are you saying that the Americans are not yet ready to admit their humiliating defeat at the hand of your Grandfather, the Eternal President?

Kim:  Yeah, well that was never going to happen.  No, I have been following the testimony of Michael Cohen.  Did you know Trump has been lying all this time about the WikiLeaks emails?  I was like “wow, how can I trust this guy?”  I was ready to sign away our nuclear weapons, but how do I know he’s not lying about all the food aid.  I don’t know what to do.  It’s at times like this that I wish I hadn’t killed all my older and wiser relatives – don’t print that!

Reporter:  Of course, Supreme Leader.  I will write that you are receiving advice directly from your Father, the Beloved and Respected General Kim Jong-Il. 

Kim:  I like that.

Reporter:  Chairman Kim, what brilliant strategy will you pursue now?

Kim:  Well if I told you then ... oh never mind. Put it this we, the capitalist dog had better keep his eyes open.