Mar-A-Lago, Palm Beach, FL
March 20, 2022
Trump: Happy Birthday, son!
Barron: Wow, you remembered. And you almost spelled my name right on the card!
Trump: Huh?
Barron: It’s B-A-R-R-O-N, with 2 Rs.
Trump: Are you sure? Because I could swear that …
Melania: [Clears throat loudly]
Trump: Oh well, sorry about that champ. Anyway, I got you something really special.
Barron: [Opening wrapping paper] It’s … it’s … a bunch of papers. I don’t get it. What are these, dad? And why do they all have TOP SECRET stamped all over them?
Trump: Are you kidding? What you are holding is a gold mine, um… um… Barron. [Whispers to Melania] Am I pronouncing it right?
Barron: How’s that, dad?
Trump: These aren’t just any secrets, son. Believe me, there are lot of people ready to pay a lot of money for these papers.
Barron: What people?
Trump: Don’t worry son, they’ll find you.
Barron: That sounds kind of scary, dad. Couldn’t you just give me the money?
Trump: [Nervously] Heh-heh-heh. Well, Aunt Ivanka thought it would be better this way.
Barron: Aunt Ivanka? You mean she isn’t my sister? I mean ‘half-sister.’ She said to always remember that.
Melania: [Testily] You’re right, dear. She is your sister, though for some reason she has double your share in your father’s will.
Trump: I said we’ll talk about that later. But come on, you mean you don’t like it?
Barron: I guess it’s kind of cool. And I like the card. [Reading] Uh, dad, why is it stamped “On Behalf of Donald J. Trump?”
Melania: Donald!!
Trump: Sorry, gotta run. I’m pretty sure I’m late for a deposition.
