Shocker! Donald Trump Jr. is actually son of Vladimir Putin

In a stunning turn of developments, Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced today that his office's investigation has uncovered that the person we have come to know as Donald Trump, Jr., the eldest son of President Donald Trump, is actually the son of Russian President Vladimir Putin.  "This was a decades old plot hatched in the old Soviet Union.  Putin's child was inserted into the Trump household soon after birth."

Reporter: How did you ever learn this?
Mueller: Something always bothered us about that infamous meeting with the Russian attorney.  Manafort is sure that he hear Trump Jr. tell her as he was walking out, 'Tell Papa I'm ready to come home.'  We spent a lot of time trying to figure out what this could mean.  Once we decided it wasn't a code, it was just some good old detective work.
Reporter: But this is unbelievable, how did they manage to convince President Trump that this baby was his?  Was he in on it?  Was Ivana Trump part of the plot?
Mueller: We haven't worked out all the details, but we have DNA evidence that Vladimir Putin and the man we have known as Donald Trump, Jr., are father and son.
Reporter: Are you saying you got Putin's DNA?  How did you pull that off?
Mueller: Let's just say that you don't spend so much time with no shirt on without leaving some DNA around.

At her daily press briefing, White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders downplayed the impact of the news.  "The American people are tired of hearing about Russia this and Russia that.  They're more concerned with getting a tax break and building a wall on the US-Mexican border."

Reporter: Does the President acknowledge the veracity of the story?
Sanders: President Trump does not dispute the DNA evidence.
Reporter: And this is the first he knew of this?
Sanders: That's right.
Reporter: So wouldn't that mean that one day somebody pushed a baby in front of him and said it was his and he believed it?  Wouldn't he have noticed that his wife was never pregnant, then suddenly had a child?
Sanders: The American people did not elect Donald Trump by an historic margin because he's an attentive husband, or father, or president.   No more questions!