White House
March 3, 2020
Aide 1: You
need to get in there. He’s still at it. [Shouting overheard in background]
Aide 2: The
vaccination thing again?
Aide 1:
What else? He has a busy schedule today so we’re hoping to calm him down.
Aide 2:
Okay, I’ll see what I can do.
[Enters Oval Office]
Trump: Where’s
my shot?
Aide 2:
Sir, listen …
Trump: I
want my beer virus shot and I want it now!
Aide 2:
Sir, if I could …
Trump: And
not just for me. I want one for Melania …
and another one for her kid.
Aide 2: SIR!
[regains composure] I mean, sir, we have been through this before. The virus is called the coronavirus – the coronavirus. It is really important that you remember this,
sir, because an alarming number of your supporters actually think the virus is
caused by Corona beer and that if they avoid Corona beer they’re immune.
Trump:
Okay, so it’s called, um, [grows flustered] well who care’s what it’s
called? Where’s my shot? I want my shot!
Aide 2:
Sir, if you remember, Mr. Azar explained to you last week that it may be
year before we have a vaccine against the coronavirus.
Trump: Who?
Aide 2:
Alex Azar, sir, the Secretary of Health and Human Services.
Trump: But
what about Pence? I put him in charge of
this.
Aide 2: If you
remember, again, Vice President Pence held your hand and stroked your shoulder while
Mr. Azar tried to explain that you'll be the first person to get a shot but they can only release a vaccine after they have
done trials ....
Trump: You mean
like tests? On people? Try it on one of Ivanka’s kids, and then …
Hey, why are you sweating so much? Don’t
tell me you have the beer virus!
If I didn't know better I'd say you were secretly listening in on the white house. Fact based reporting at it's best even if it's fake. That's saying something, eh?
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