December 9, 2024
Press Room – Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Moscow, Russian Federation
Reporter: Can you confirm that President Assad and his family are in Moscow?
[Spokeswoman Maria] Zakharova: No, I cannot confirm that because it is not true.
Reporter: What? But his plane ….
Zakharova: [Laughing] Yes, it is true that when the CIA and Israeli band of criminals threatened his life in Syria, the Russian Federation extended a warm welcome to our good friend President Bashar Assad and his family.
Reporter: So he is in Moscow?
Zakharova: No, he arrived in Moscow but immediately declared to President Putin that as a man of action he wants to be of service to his Russian friends, so he demanded an urgent assignment, no matter how dangerous.
Reporter: Bashar Assad said this? The same Bashar Assad who hasn’t been seen in public for 10 years and fled Damascus when the rebels were hundreds of miles away?
Zakharova: Yes, he said this. And he will confirm that when – or if – he returns to Moscow.
Reporter: What? "If he returns"? Where is he now?
Zakharova: His exact location is a secret, but I can tell you that he is leading a team of commandos that will soon help liberate Kursk province from fascist occupation as part of the special military operation.
Reporter: Bashar Assad? But he has no practical military training or experience.
Zakharova: President Putin is confident that Corporal, I mean, President Assad’s leadership skills will prove invaluable.
Reporter: Has he seen action yet?
Zakharova: No, there is still a language barrier.
Reporter: You mean he is working on his Russian?
Zakharova: Yes …. And Korean.
Reporter: This is unbelievable. Isn’t President Putin afraid something will happen to him?
Zakharova: Of course, that’s why he has warned the Ukrainian fascists not to aim one of their highly accurate American missiles at the compound 3.27 kilometers southeast of Zorino where our air defenses are temporarily disabled. [Puts hands to lips] Oops. Please don’t print that.
