Why Can't They Call Me "Doctor Trump"?

The White House
March 24, 2020

Trump:  We have to get rid of this Fauci guy now!

Aide:  But sir, Dr. Fauci, is our nation’s foremost medical expert on viral infections and immunology.  If we were to lose him ….

Trump:  Doctor Fauci this and Doctor Fauci that.  Why does everyone have to call him Doctor?  Has anyone checked to see if he is a real doctor?

Aide:  [Shoulders slump]  Yes, sir.  Dr. Fauci has a medical degree, board certification and over 50 years experience.  Then there are his honorary degrees, his awards, his …

Trump:  Okay.  But couldn’t we start calling me Doctor Trump.  Don’t I have one of those – wadda you call them – honorable degrees?

Aide:  I believe you were scheduled to receive an honorary degree but Trump University had to close its doors before the actual ceremony.

Trump:  I told Junior we pulled the plug too soon, but he didn’t listen, just like no one listens to me now just because I’m not a doctor! 

Aide:  Sir, this is just a suggestion, but perhaps you could speak with Dr., um, Mr. Fauci, before one of your press briefings to discuss whether your comments will be danger…, um, accurate?

Trump:  Well, we could see, but [Phone rings] That’s Hannity, gotta take this, so [waves aide away]

Aide:  [In the hallway to another aide] Double the guard on Fauci, quick.