'El Chapo' on Call with Zelensky

Washington, DC

October 1, 2019

The revelation that Secretary of State Pompeo was on the line during the now infamous telephone call between President Donald Trump and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has prompted questions about just who else was on the call. 

“Other than the President and Secretary Pompeo … and Mr. Giuliani, it was basically just a few staff members on the call, no one who would raise any suspicions, except maybe the Mexican.”

“The Mexican?”

“Yes, Mr. Guzman.”

“Mr. Guzman?”

“Let me see [reading] Joaquin Archivaldo Guzman.”

“El Chapo!!”

“Yes, that is the name most people know him by.  And what a pain – you would think it would be easier to arrange a secure phone line to a Federal Supermax prison.”

“But he was just convicted of running a murderous drug cartel!”

“Which he is appealing.”

“But why in God’s name would you want El Chapo on the call?”

“A fair question.  Mr. Trump thought Mr. … um … Chapo, might be able to provide some guidance to our Ukrainian friends on how to convince reluctant witnesses to … um … cooperate.”

“The President himself asked for El Chapo to be on the line?”

“There was some grumbling from our national security advisors, but Mr. Trump was adamant.  I believe his exact words were, ‘Here’s a guy who won’t rat me out.’  And in the end, Mr. Zelensky indicated that Mr. Guzman’s … um … assistance, would not be required.”

“Just amazing.  Was there anyone else on the call we should know about?”

“[Reviewing list] Let me see.  You knew that President Putin was listening in, right?”