In a shocking development, Ivana Trump, the first wife of Donald
Trump, was taken into custody by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE)
agents on Sunday and immediately deported to Guatemala, despite the fact that
she has been a US citizen since 1988 and was born in Czechoslovakia, not
Guatemala, not to mention the fact that she is the ex-wife of the President of
the United States. When asked why Ms.
Trump was delivered to Guatemala, an ICE spokesman responded, “We just happened
to have a plane heading for Guatemala that day.
Deportee Trump is free to travel to any destination of her choice, as
long as it is not within the borders of the United States of America.”
In a hastily convened press conference at the international
airport in Guatemala City, Mrs. Trump described the chaotic scene: “It was crazy. I just caught a ‘Living with the Kardashians’
episode on the DVR when all these armed men burst in and started yelling at me
in Spanish. I tried calling Donald, but
he just said ‘Sorry, senorita, no speako the lingo’ and hung up.”
Speaking off the record, a White House official provided
more background to the story:
“This came
straight from the FLOTUS.”
“Melania
Trump? How can that be?”
“You don’t hear
about her much, but she has sharp elbows, not to mention … well, you know.”
“But why? What does she hope to accomplish with this?”
“She reads the
papers. She has seen all the President's racist tweets and all the blowback about sending her “back to where she came
from.” She’s hoping that deporting one
of the President’s foreign wives will take the heat off until this all blows
over.”
“Does she really
think this is going to blow over?”
“Are you
kidding? Do you remember Charlottesville?”
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